( Was filled with the urge of writing this after seeing posts about Swosthani on social medias )
Yes we don't read Swosthani in our house every year. No I'm not an Atheist.
I don't know if I qualify as a religious person. I celebrate every festival. I bow down at every temple I see. I pray to God and put tika before exam and flights. But we have never read Swosthani in our home, as far as I remember. I once remember reading Swosthani when I was younger, not aloud though. I didn't worship the cover before reading it, I just put it on my lap and read it. To me, I was just reading another book. I remember there was this Goma of 7 or 17 years who married a 70 years old man. ( I haven't read it ever after that day so I'm not really sure about the facts. ) That part seemed absurd to me, even as a schoolgirl. I imagined myself, around the same age, marrying such an old man; and it scared me! I just put the book aside and never completed it. There are things like this in every religion and every book. I'm not pointing out or blaming any religion, any belief. I'm just confessing my reasons for never having read the book everyone worships and reads or atleast listens to every year.
Swosthani is just another example of the rules I have never followed. We have never done an actual puja in our house ( which we wonder is responsible everytime something bad happens). I don't even know how an actual puja is done, including the small details like "batti kaatne". I have never stayed on a fulltime fast demanding a nice husband ( so will I ever get married? ) or to please any God . The reason is, things like these have never been a compulsion in our house. No, we didn't "revolt" because we wanted a change in society or becauae we were trying to prove ourselves "modern" Living so religiously was just never possible for us. We are just a family of three, and we all lived for 13-14 years in the same room on rent. We couldn't keep avoiding touching things or one another when someone was on her periods. My mom doesn't fast because of her health problems and so I followed. As the knowledge of rituals was never passed on to me, I am dumb in that matter. We don't do the yearly rituals of saraddhe because my Grandfather had himself asked not to do anything after his death as he said serving him while he was alive was what mattered. I have always loved hearing these words as much as I've loved how easy it was among us.
When you've grown up like that, it becomes a habit and you forget that there is a whole world that doesn't allow that. Once when I had to visit a relative and stay out in the terrace the whole day, for they wouldn't allow me in as I was on my periods, I felt abandoned. I felt scared when I imagined someone having to do that for days, every month of her life. When I look at girls my age who fast structly and know what to do on every small puja, as perfect as the daughter-in-laws from hindi dailysoaps, I often wonder how I will ever fit in anywhere. How will I ever survive with a family that isn't like ours? ( For example, after getting married ) How will I ever stay hungry for a day, or not touch anything during my periods, or do a whole ritual if the family demands me to? I wouldn't normally think of all this but when you are a girl people force you to think like that, " yo taal le ta gharjam garera khadinas!" "Saasu le ni kei najanne keti pathayechan bhanne hola". Stuffs like that.
I feel like a criminal sometimes, not because we have lived differently, but because we have tried to hide the fact all this time. When the society asks, when our own relatives ask, we lie! We tell them that we don't cook when we're on our periods, we lie on occassions that we are fasting, we lie that we did a small ritual to mark the date and so on. We lie to them, we pretend infront of them. Only to fit in! Even now, when my Mother reads this post later she will surely scold me for writing all this and ask me what will the relatives and others say if they read this. My question is, is it necessary to lie? Isn't it that people only lie when they do something wrong? So, are we actually so wrong? I'm not asking anyone to live my way, I'm not calling the rest of the world stupid for living like that. I am only confessing that I don't follow all those rules, and I just want to be sure there's nothing to feel guilty about in thinking and living in a different way. I just want to be sure I don't have to lie or change to live further in this society; because this is my life, this is what I'm comfortable with.
Yes we don't read Swosthani in our house every year. No I'm not an Atheist.
I don't know if I qualify as a religious person. I celebrate every festival. I bow down at every temple I see. I pray to God and put tika before exam and flights. But we have never read Swosthani in our home, as far as I remember. I once remember reading Swosthani when I was younger, not aloud though. I didn't worship the cover before reading it, I just put it on my lap and read it. To me, I was just reading another book. I remember there was this Goma of 7 or 17 years who married a 70 years old man. ( I haven't read it ever after that day so I'm not really sure about the facts. ) That part seemed absurd to me, even as a schoolgirl. I imagined myself, around the same age, marrying such an old man; and it scared me! I just put the book aside and never completed it. There are things like this in every religion and every book. I'm not pointing out or blaming any religion, any belief. I'm just confessing my reasons for never having read the book everyone worships and reads or atleast listens to every year.
Swosthani is just another example of the rules I have never followed. We have never done an actual puja in our house ( which we wonder is responsible everytime something bad happens). I don't even know how an actual puja is done, including the small details like "batti kaatne". I have never stayed on a fulltime fast demanding a nice husband ( so will I ever get married? ) or to please any God . The reason is, things like these have never been a compulsion in our house. No, we didn't "revolt" because we wanted a change in society or becauae we were trying to prove ourselves "modern" Living so religiously was just never possible for us. We are just a family of three, and we all lived for 13-14 years in the same room on rent. We couldn't keep avoiding touching things or one another when someone was on her periods. My mom doesn't fast because of her health problems and so I followed. As the knowledge of rituals was never passed on to me, I am dumb in that matter. We don't do the yearly rituals of saraddhe because my Grandfather had himself asked not to do anything after his death as he said serving him while he was alive was what mattered. I have always loved hearing these words as much as I've loved how easy it was among us.
When you've grown up like that, it becomes a habit and you forget that there is a whole world that doesn't allow that. Once when I had to visit a relative and stay out in the terrace the whole day, for they wouldn't allow me in as I was on my periods, I felt abandoned. I felt scared when I imagined someone having to do that for days, every month of her life. When I look at girls my age who fast structly and know what to do on every small puja, as perfect as the daughter-in-laws from hindi dailysoaps, I often wonder how I will ever fit in anywhere. How will I ever survive with a family that isn't like ours? ( For example, after getting married ) How will I ever stay hungry for a day, or not touch anything during my periods, or do a whole ritual if the family demands me to? I wouldn't normally think of all this but when you are a girl people force you to think like that, " yo taal le ta gharjam garera khadinas!" "Saasu le ni kei najanne keti pathayechan bhanne hola". Stuffs like that.
I feel like a criminal sometimes, not because we have lived differently, but because we have tried to hide the fact all this time. When the society asks, when our own relatives ask, we lie! We tell them that we don't cook when we're on our periods, we lie on occassions that we are fasting, we lie that we did a small ritual to mark the date and so on. We lie to them, we pretend infront of them. Only to fit in! Even now, when my Mother reads this post later she will surely scold me for writing all this and ask me what will the relatives and others say if they read this. My question is, is it necessary to lie? Isn't it that people only lie when they do something wrong? So, are we actually so wrong? I'm not asking anyone to live my way, I'm not calling the rest of the world stupid for living like that. I am only confessing that I don't follow all those rules, and I just want to be sure there's nothing to feel guilty about in thinking and living in a different way. I just want to be sure I don't have to lie or change to live further in this society; because this is my life, this is what I'm comfortable with.
I don't know why you are calling yourself a criminal. It is our society which needs a change, not you.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am not an athist too but I don't like to call myself a religious either. I believe in traditions not gods.
Great article though. (y)