YOU!

 You

Yes you!
You there with your jokes and acts
that you claim do not mean harm
Do you know what they do to me?
They make me want to crumble into pieces
hide somewhere inside myself
wishing I was a turtle
with a rock hard shell that could stand it all
not be pierced by all you shoot
the stares and words
like flaming swords
that burn right through me
Turn me to dust
unable to sweep myself off my feet anymore
I hide, it makes me weird
I show, it makes me bad
How to I ever escape this maze
as long as I exist?
or may be even after...

You
You there with your hormones at rage
the ones you blame at any age
and desires you claim you cannot hold back
Do you know what they do to mine?
They turn my life completely around
without a trace on yours somehow
Make me run away
From you
from myself
from everything that once mattered
All in search of a safe place
that can never be found
They make me doubt it I am wrong
they make me believe you are right
that may be I deserve it
the punishment
for the crimes you committed
Some days I want to cut my bits
all of which that make me whole
break the mirror that shows me
all that you desired in me
all that you claimed made you do it
I keep them, you prey on me
I throw them away
you would prey on me anyway
so why do I hate myself you ask?
Because the only thing I needed to do
to turn an innocent one like you
Into a savage predator
was exist.

Me?
What am I?
A mere variable
I came to you in different forms
A heart full of love
a stranger full of dreams
a friend full of trust
a kid full of innocence
I walked past you
in colours blue
sometimes black and sometimes red
I came in shells
I came in pieces
I came in many different ages
I came as tough as they do
I came as a mere clay at times
At times one who questioned you
At times a mere dirt on your shoe
I hid myself as you claimed safe
I acted blind and dumb and deaf
A loud laughter
A soft cry
A rude stare
A loud denial
A silent soul who minded her business
A loud one focused on happiness
But somehow
somehow you always found a way
to make me shriek
make me curse my existence
stuck at that one point in time
going back and wondering what I did wrong
But it just hit me
Nothing could have changed it
No thought, no weapon
no fabric, no precaution
nothing I was
nothing I did
could have made things any different
because I think I know it now
I was a mere variable
The only constant
was You!