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 I am tired of being told who I am


I am not that one smiling picture of me
Not that one time I cried watching an ad
I am not that night I was too afraid of the dark
Nor am I the day I made my bravest roar
I am not the one who once borrowed a wand from a stranger for her friend
I am not when I crumbled before asking a shopkeeper for a pen
I am not that girl who skipped plans to stay home
I am not who was once the life of that party
I am not that expensive coffee I crave
nor the cheap tea that makes me feel safe
I am not my oily head and sleepless face
And not the thousand coloured lips on my insta feed
I am not the one time I pushed people away to feel strong
Also not the constant rants on my timeline seeking sympathy and attention
I am not the rolling of my eyes when I see fake actions
Not the one who is numb before the sad friend who is waiting some reactions
I am not that sweet drunk hugs I gave away
Not the me who's too afraid to shake hands
I am not the word whose meaning I couldn't say aloud
I am not the hundreds of answers I blurted before anyone in class could
I am not the confidence you see in my ways
and not the one who trembles when too many stare at her face
I am not that one time I sang, danced, hosted or did all three
I am not the moment I left everything behind just to be free
I am not when I blush at every little thing you say
as I'm not when I'm pissed by the tiniest change in the day
I am not yours to possess
Nor am I your secret you should be too ashamed to flex
I am not the fire in me on my brightest days
not the dreams I drown in just to get some rest
I am not that rock song to which you saw me bang my head
and not the kishore kumar lyrics I know by heart
I am not who would respond to your every hello, hi, hey
and not the legs that would jump in at every call for help
I am not my higher than thou sense of self
I am not my insecurities that give me shape
I am not my highest heels or my dirtiest sandles
Not my grandma's watch or my shiny bangles
Not my messy room or my search for perfection
Not my laziness or my intolerance for inefficiency
I am not my impossible bucket list
and I am not my strange lust for oblivion
I am not as smart as I believe I am
but also not as dumb as I let on
I am not the dirtiest jokes I laugh at
Or the innocence I claim to be alive in me
I am not the things that piss me off
and I am not the things I'm willing to ignore
I am not one of these things
and yet I am all of these things
and if you thought you knew me before,
You are wrong
As you are if you think you know me after reading this
because I am not this poem
and if you think just a poem could define me
I am not who you think I am.......

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हे जानकी !

हे जानकी ! तिमी र म एउटै जात एउटै धर्म एउटै रगत एउटै माटो तिमी र म कहाँ फरक छौँ  र ? तिमीले दुःख नपाएको होइन मैले पनि सुख पाएको होइन नेपालकी चेलीको कर्मै यही रहेछ तिमीले रामायण जहाँ छाडेकी थियौ मेरो कथा पनि त्यहीँबाट सुरु हुन्छ आउ न आफ्नै आँखाले हेर मेरो जन्म तिम्रो जस्तै छ मेरी आमाले पनि मलाई समाजको डरले धरतीले तिमीलाई लत्याएजस्तै एउटा फोहोरको डिब्बामा मिल्क्याइन् तिमी भने राजपुत्री भयौ म भने एउटा गरिब घरकी चेली भएँ तिमी स्वयंवरमा सजाइयौ म ठालूका आँखामा सजाइएँ तिमीलाई बहादुरीले जितेर लग्यो मलाई पैसाले जितेर लगे हे जानकी ! तिमी कि जनकपुत्री जानकी बन्यौ कि रामप्रिया सिता मेरो नागरिकता पनि पिता र पतिमा अडेको छ आउ न आफ्नै आँखाले हेर सुखशयलको जीबन छाडी पतिसँगै वनवास लाग्यौ इच्छाआकांक्षा मार्ने तिम्रो बानीले मलाइ पनि कहाँ छाडेको छ र ? तर यो त तिम्रो बानी होइन बाध्यता रहेछ माइतमा पिताको आज्ञाा र घरमा पतिको आदेश मेरो पनि सास यति मै खुम्चिएको छ तिमी वनवास लगिएझैँ म पनि सिमानापारि कुनै कोठीको वासमा बेचिन्छु आउ न आफ्नै आँखाले हेर सुन्दरता तिम्रो लागि अभिशाप नै बनेको थियो हे जानकी ! म पनि कहा...
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