The stories of a Crazy girl!

Growing up, girls are told there are only two kinds of girls, either a "typical girl" or "not like other girls". That being "like other girls" is bad. And before you even get to know any girl when they grow an actual personality, you start staying away from them because you want to grow your own personality. Because you are told girls don't have personalities, and you want to be different. You want to look cool, you want to fit in, you want to be accepted, you want to stand out, you want the guys to like you, and for that, from all around you, you have to be different than other girls. I know because I used to believe that. Grew up a few interests I told girls can't have so I thought every day, I had to try and be more and more different from them. That there was nothing I could possibly talk to a girl about because hey, "All girls talk about is makeup! Makeup BAD! Girls BAD!" The more I believed I could not talk to girls, girls wouldn

 You Yes you! You there with your jokes and acts that you claim do not mean harm Do you know what they do to me? They make me want to crumble into pieces hide somewhere inside myself wishing I was a turtle with a rock hard shell that could stand it all not be pierced by all you shoot the stares and words like flaming swords that burn right through me Turn me to dust unable to sweep myself off my feet anymore I hide, it makes me weird I show, it makes me bad How to I ever escape this maze as long as I exist? or may be even after... You You there with your hormones at rage the ones you blame at any age and desires you claim you cannot hold back Do you know what they do to mine? They turn my life completely around without a trace on yours somehow Make me run away From you from myself from everything that once mattered All in search of a safe place that can never be found They make me doubt it I am wrong they make me believe you are right that may be I d

 I know you don't remember the day you touched my scars. You looked at them in pity and distaste but not in disgust. You gave a nod that said "you are a fool" but not unlovable. I was afraid your reaction might add more pain to them but you touched it in a way they wanted to heal. I was afraid they were going to push you away but then you pulled me close. You held me to your chest. "Was it necessary?" you asked. But your eyes knew better. The way they looked at me, they did not need an answer. We gave eachother our silence. Our embrace. And the cuts didn't matter anymore. I know you don't remember the day you touched my scars, but I play it in my mind everytime its your turn to be the fool. I take my turn to do what you did that day. Love, anyway.

 सपना पूरा भए हाम्रा पुरा भए तिम्रा अरु कोहिसँग नाता गाँसियो तिम्रो नयाँ जिन्दगी भरिलाई छुटियो मसँग को हुँ र म? के हक र मेरो? के अर्थ मेरो मायाको? आगोको वरिपरि तिमीसँग नघुमेको मेरो मायाको के अर्थ वर्षौँसम्म मनसँग मन जोडेको? जब नाम जोडियो तिम्रो अरु कोहिसँग उता बिदाइका आँसु दुनियाँले देखे होलान् के अर्थ मेरा लुक्दै सिरानिमा बगेका आँसुको तिम्रा ती नौमती पन्चेबाजाले ढाकिसकेका अँध्यारो कुनामा रोक्दारोक्दै फुत्केको मेरो रोदनको उसँग तिम्रा हात मिलाउन फुल कतिले छरे होलान् त्यहाँ के अस्तित्व रह्यो सुनसानमा मिल्ने हाम्रा हातको हाम्रा मनको मेट्दै छौ होला मेरा यादहरु मैले भन्दा सजिलै तिमी ठाउँ खाली गर्दै नयाँ याद जो लेख्दैछौ अरु कोहिसँग कुन्नी कसरी चुने जिवनभरिलाई हिजोसम्म नदेखेको कसैलाई मसँग नै भविष्य देख्न डराउने तिम्रा ती आँखाले खै कसरी पहिलो भेटमै हाँस्न सके कुनै सङ्कोच बिना मसँग हुँदा मात्र मुस्कुराउँछु भन्ने ती ओठले तस्विर कुन हेरेर छान्यौ तस्विर आफ्नो कुन पठायौ हाँसो त तिनमा मैले नै दिएका होलान् चिनायौ होला साथीलाई नाम थरले मात्र तिसँगको कहानी त अझै

 केही अन्त्य अनुत्तरित प्रश्न आफ्नै जवाफ आफैँ बन्नुपर्ने जवाफदेही नहुने रहेछ कोहि यहाँ कसैको लागि किन? कोट्याइरहन्छ सधैँ हजारौँ अन्य प्रश्नभन्दा उत्तर उति नै जटिल म खनिरहन्छु यादका सुरुङहरु किन? किन? बर्बराउँदै जति नजिक पुग्छु तर अन्धकार पाउँछु उति काँप्तछु अनि के म साँच्चै चाहन्छु त्यो अन्त्यमा पुग्न? कुन्नी! जति जति खोज्दैछु त्यसलाई भाग्दैछु उति नै अझ कि डराउँछु अन्तमा कतै सत्य भेटिएलान् ती सत्य जो म सुन्न चाहन्नँ वा ती जो म मान्न चाहन्नँ कि डराउँछु अन्त्य कतै अन्त्य नै हुने हो भावनाका प्रश्नका सियोमा पिरोलेर अझै सँगालिरहेका कतै बगाइ जाला जवाफका बाढीले र त अर्को एउटा प्रश्न म आफैँ नदेखेझैँ नसुनेझैँ हिँड्छु, अनुत्तरित के त्यो उत्तर तिमिसँग छ वा मभित्र नै कतै?

 झस्केर ब्युझिएँ स्वप्न उहीँ क्षणझैँ जीवित वर्तमानभन्दा समीप त्यो अतीत मेरा सपनालाई चिरेर त्यो सुइ कुन्नी कता पुग्यो घाउ अझै बिझाइरहन्छ रक्त तर बहिरहन्छ अश्रुमा घोलिँदै मेरा चीत्कार रोक्न बढेका ती हात कति तालीका गड्गडाहटमा मिसिएका होलान् यता मेरो चित्कार फुत्किरहन्छ अनि रोकिरहन्छ आफैँ आफैँ एक अदृश्य डरले म र मेरा कथा यसैगरी ब्युँझन्छन् हर रात हर क्षण र म सुम्सुमाइरहन्छु समाजको लोरी गाउँदै वास्तविकता नामक राक्षसका दन्त्यकथा सुनाउँदै म र मेरा कथा कुन्नी कहाँबाट सुरु भए तर समाप्त हुँदैनन् कहिल्यै बरु थपिरहन्छ अर्को एक अध्याय अर्को एक अध्याय जति जति लाग्छ सुखमय अन्त अब त आउनुपर्ने यी कथाकि पात्रलाई अब त कुनै मोडले रुवाउनु नपर्ने कुन्नी कुन कालो बादलबाट बर्सिरहन्छन् पीडा कथा छ त पीडा छ पीडा छ र त कथा छ म र मेरा कथा अल्झिरहन्छौँ यिनैमा कुनै स्वर्गीय संसारको आशामा बढिरहन्छौँं अर्को दर्दनिय अध्यायतर्फ! म र मेरा कथा व्यर्थझैँ लाग्छन् कहिले न सुनाउन म सक्षम छु न सुनिदिन कोही न सुनिदिएर बुझिदिन कोही के अस्तित्व नसुनाइएका यी कथाको के अर्थ जीतको बिगुल