The Jack of All Trades

I was told I could be good at anything

not warned it meant average at everything

People grow up, may be I grew down

on every chessboard but as a pawn

Being born a cluster of potential

meant so much more for me to waste

The rising star they all looked up to

who fell shooting down in a haste

There were so many boats to ride

I put my feet in all but heart in none

Shuffling again and again to find the same

Jack of all trades, master of none.

I had this picture perfect idea of me

painted gold with every medal I landed

every teacher and fortune teller so sure

a future set in stone waiting to be handed

I was my full-marks and my first prizes

my monitor badges and assembly applauses

my jumping years and too good for my peers

my school songs and their genuine cheers

my dance rehearsals, the needles and threads

my poems and speeches turning heads

my raising hands and stunned teachers

my voice familiar with the speakers.

Now I am this collage of embarrassments

everyday reminded to make amendments

I am my sleep and my struggling attendance

my applications of excuses minus the penance

my deafening silence in viva, rounds and interviews

my mediocrity too expected to be a news

my performance anxiety, my shaking hands and voice

my permanently zoned out self, a lack of poise

my hoarse voice, my flat and shaky notes

my words diluted into captions as quotes

my forgotten steps on youtube with hidden comments

my disappearing self in groups and events

my backbenches and my tables for one

my head too afraid to look up from the phone

a tutorial of what not to do, who not to be

a jack of all trades, master of none.

I see how you look at me and roll your eyes

a waste of time and space, no lack of surprise

an empty void to squander your lessons and advice

a lesser being among your ranks in disguise

You know you see through my silence and stares

into a broken machine too proud to accept repairs

you need to remind me with your sharpest sting

the prophecy that I will never amount to anything

you feel the responsibility to save the society

from someone so unaware of their notoriety

I see it all, every eyeroll, scoff and frown

absorb it all onto a sea of disapprovals to drown

I know better than anyone that I am a liability

aware of my lack of impression and desirability

I have known this the longest of us all

been the witness to every inch of my downfall

and its the hardest for me knowing who I was

who I could have been and was meant to be

than to you who never had anything to expect

my heights in a potential future you never got to see

You want to save me from my own delusion

save from me your society, your institution

while I am my harshest critic fully aware

that I am a jack of all trades, master of none

Somehow I don't want to remove myself from here

somehow I don't want to listen to that voice and disappear

somehow I want to be in denial of this person so bereft

somehow I want to believe in that 0.000001% of myself I have left

I know I should give up and should have a long time ago

should have shoved my average self into a pit down below

I should be wrapped in my blanket, feeling numb to a sad song

yet somehow I still want to prove you wrong

because there are a thousand things I am bad at

and yet those are a thousand things I want to do

so many versions of me failing at so many things

turning around and finding even more to pursue

I know I am shameless but I don't know how else to be

I can't help but grasp at every possibility I can see

I can't get a hold of my imaginations as they run wild

because deep down I still feel like that gifted child

I return home from shedding tears to your comment

and somehow I still seem to have this little ambition left

Don't know how to get rid of it or I would have ages ago

I know I belong in the dark and yet I desire to glow

I lost my charger a long time ago yet this battery wouldn't die

my wings are withered and dusted yet I wish to fly

I take leaps and leaps of faith even when I fall each time

I run out of big words but I don't lose the desire to rhyme

I wipe my tears and my blood and my scars

I try so hard not to but end up shooting for the stars

I know I will never be the best at anything

yet somehow I try to be better everyday

The masters of every trade make me feel like an imposter

yet I'm shameless enough to let the jack stay and fester

I wish I could grant you your wish

I wish I could disappear somewhere you wouldn't miss

I wish I would learn my limits and not grasp at everything

I wish my overambition would make a sound as you squish

I wish I could give up on everything and focus on just one thing

focus on study and not miserably try to write and dance and sing

I wish I could put my all into being a Gyarados

instead of a Magikarp everywhere just taking a swing

but I have so many things I want to love

so many roles to play, so many paths to stroll

it would be just so unjust

to take pieces of me, try and make them whole

I cannot for the love of me be someone perfect

when I feel the happiest laughing at and with my flaws

I have so many things I want to fail but dry trying

it wouldn't be fair to confine myself in your monotonous claws

So what if you may never understand me, never accept me

and what if you see my guts and can't help but pity and hate me

I tried the same for years and decades and eons

but I end up consciously doing my best to overestimate me

What if I want to be a waste of space across many dimensions

instead of taking up a little one and living upto expectations

What if I find this jumbled up montage of myself entertaining

than giving in to a boring slideshow of obligations

And what if you'll never understand me for not seeing this mess

if you want me to increase my pace running behind success

if you want me to untie my shoes and step outside the track

and not see I'm not even trying to win this race

You want me to know what little time I have and make use

when I want to divide it to pieces and gift them to each version of me

You want me to tie my hair with a ribbon and stare at your words

when I want to let it loose and let it flow where it wants to be

What if when you're all said and done

you frequently make me want to give up and run

but what if I'm here and I choose to stay

Be a jack of all trades than master of one